The Secret Circle recap – 1×11: ‘Fire and Ice’

It’s a battle of the bitches on our teen witch drama as Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) and voodoo warlock/emo hottie Lee (Grey Damon) strike a deal to steal Cassie’s (Britt Robertson) dark magic. As always, things don’t go quite as planned.

Let’s break it down…

There was a lot that worked in this episode, despite a preponderance of absolute ridiculousness.

What worked:

• Faye goes all in: And it’s about time, too! If I had to listen to another week of Faye whining about losing her individual powers, I would have made out with homo Adam (Thomas Dekker) and magic’d myself to death. Instead Faye actually does something by working a spell with Lee to steal Cassie’s magic. Of course (because it’s Faye) the whole spell goes terribly wrong and ends up affecting all of the members of the circle except Cassie. Ah well…you can’t win them all.
• The Spell: The whole symbol written in fire on the floor and creepy bloodletting were suitable reminders that this magic isn’t all pretty and harmless floating water droplets like we saw in the pilot. Taken together with the initial “isn’t-magic-fun-oh-crap-we-just-lit-this-dress-on-fire” opener and Faye’s inability to control her “dark” powers at the dance and you’ve got a good after school message for confused teen wiccas.
• Sexy Stabbings: Lee’s little stab wounds (five along the back)required Faye to unzip her dress, which finally gives me an excuse to write the words “Phoebe Tonkin naked”. It’s very exciting because a significant number of visitors wind up checking out these SC recaps after searching for those exact words. I can finally sleep soundly knowing that the horny teen boys we’re luring to the blog are here on more than empty promises!
• Bitch Fight!: After more than ten episodes of sibling-esque rivalry between the petite blonde and the tall, dark and slutty members of the circle, tensions finally came to a boil in ‘Fire and Ice.’ It was good to finally hear the girls come clean and call each other mean spirited names in public instead of privately whining about the other. Anyone who has read the books knows that all the good drama comes from this dysfunctional relationship.

What didn’t work:

• Most anything related to looks or fashion: I’m not talking about the flaming dress. I’m talking about Diana’s (Shelley Hennig) ‘see-my-ladybox’ robe, Adam’s ‘reaching for the stars’ gay hairdo/satchel combo, Cassie’s ridonkulous 12 inch heels at the dance and Faye’s improbable en-route to the dance outfit switch (from black harlot to white whoor). Exceptions: Melissa’s (Jessica Parker Kennedy) entire look at the dance, which made me momentarily forget she’s the ugly duckling of the circle.
• Anything to do with the Adam/Cassie/Diana love triangle: The dial swung back and forth between yawn and barf depending on who was involved. Bonus points for Adam somehow convincing Diana to give her blessing for to Cassie-Adam union and then kissing her on the cheek while she’s on the verge of tears. Geez Adam, why not just punch her in the face and give her a boob honk while you’re at it?
• Cassie’s desire to be rid of black magic: I actually just accidentally typed “blah” magic and that’s closer to the truth. Faye is right: Stop complaining about being powerful (especially when last episode you said you liked the feel of it) and embrace it. I can’t take believe we’re being asked to believe that anyone who needs to wear heels that increase her height by 1/4 is a crazy powerful dark witch.

We end on another mini Jake-cliffhanger  (Jake-hanger?) as he finally reveals himself after rescuing Cassie and Melissa from Faye’s Carrie reenactment. Too bad he comes in right as blondie bear and gay face finally smooch! Buzzkill…

Other Considerations:

• After what seems like an eternity, Adam’s father Ethan (Adam Harrington) reappears and look ma! he’s sober enough to chaperone the dance. Amusingly he has to tell Adam he’s dried out (because apparently these two haven’t seen each other all this time?). Ohhhh…has Adam been staying at the Chance Harbour bath house? (If you don’t get that joke, don’t google it, kids)
• Something else that did work: Kick starting Diana and Melissa’s previously non-existent friendship. Apparently they were friends before Faye and Adam came into the picture, which makes sense (and also kinda makes Faye and Melissa sound like a couple).
• Favourite line 1: Cassie (to Faye): You just can’t stop being a bitch can you?
• Favourite line 2: Faye (about Cassie, to everyone): Why does this bitch get a free pass and I get burned at the stake? (Heh, heh, that’s a witch reference)