Disney continues to mine their back catalogue for remake/revamp/spin-off hits and they may have just stumbled across a unicorn with this week’s release.
Let’s bitch it out…
March remains red-hot as all of the new films thus far have come in on par (Kong) or exceeded expectations (Logan, Get Out). With the introduction of a certain live action princess from the classics section of the Disney vault, expect an absolutely jaw-dropping weekend at the box office.
March 17, 2017
Beauty and the Beast (Wide)
- Cast: Emma Watson (The Bling Ring), Dan Stevens (The Guest), Luke Evans (Dracula Untold), Josh Gad (The Wedding Ringer)
- Official Synopsis: Beauty and the Beast is the fantastic journey of Belle (Watson), a bright, beautiful and independent young woman who is taken prisoner by a beast (Stevens) in his castle. Despite her fears, she befriends the castle’s enchanted staff and learns to look beyond the Beast’s hideous exterior and realize the kind heart and soul of the true Prince within.
- Good for fans of: Disney princesses, Exclusively gay moments, bestiality
- Is it worth your time? Oh sure. With director Bill Condon behind the wheel and top-notch talent in front of the camera, this tale as old as time will surely become the latest Disney live action classic. Look for absolutely stunning numbers this weekend as Belle and her bete feast on the carcasses of all challengers.
The Belko Experiment (Limited)
- Cast: Tony Goldwyn (Ghost), John C. McGinley (TV’s Scrubs), Michael Rooker (Slither)
- Official Synopsis: In a twisted social experiment, a group of 80 Americans are locked in their high-rise corporate office in Bogata, Colombia and ordered by an unknown voice coming from the company’s intercom system to participate in a deadly game of kill or be killed.
- Good for fans of: Dark office comedies, Everyday weapons, Battle Royale
- Is it worth your time? Depending on your sense of humour and your proclivity for bloodlust, yes. Reviewing the film for Bloody Disgusting at TIFF Midnight Madness, I called it “a rollicking crowd-pleaser. Conventional audiences may grapple with the dark view of humanity that the film adopts…Horror fans, the film’s obvious intended audience, on the other hand, will find plenty to cheer about in this near perfect cocktail of murder and laughs.”
T2 Trainspotting (Limited)
- Cast: Ewan McGregor (Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones) , Ewen Bremner (Pearl Habor), Jonny Lee Miller (Hackers) and Robert Carlyle (The World is Not Enough)
- Official Synopsis: Twenty years have gone by. Much has changed but just as much remains the same. Mark Renton (McGregor) returns to the only place he can ever call home. They are waiting for him: Spud (Bremner), Sick Boy (Lee Miller), and Begbie (Carlyle). Other old friends are waiting too: sorrow, loss, joy, vengeance, hatred, friendship, love, longing, fear, regret, diamorphine, self-destruction and mortal danger, they are all lined up to welcome him, ready to join the dance.
- Good for fans of: British accents, Dead babies, running to electronica
- Is it worth your time? The reviews are definitely mixed, with many claiming that it’s good to see the old crew again, but that the sequel squanders the opportunity to update the original film’s caustic view for contemporary times. Still, if you’re a fan of the original, the lengthy delay between films is unlikely to temper your excitement at seeing the sequel.
—–
That’s it for this week. Next week brings a slate of questionable films including the big screen adaptation of CHiPs (featuring a plethora of dick and ball jokes), the alien infection in space film Life and the aren’t-we-too-old-for-this update of Power Rangers (featuring a miscast Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa). The possibility for a break-out is as high as the potential for a bunch of epic flame-outs. Stay tuned!
