The Borgias review – 3×08: ‘Tears Of Blood’

Courtesy of Showtime

In this week’s episode, Micheletto (Sean Harris) and Lucrezia (Holliday Grainger) finally catch up with the viewers at home, and both discover they’re in for a rough ride…

Let’s bitch it out…

The episode opens with the Jubilee, during which the Vatican makes a killing charging pilgrims to see the Spear of Longinus and for absolution of their sins. When Catherina Sforza (Gina McKee) sees how much money the Pope (Jeremy Irons) is raking in, she creates her own miracle attraction. Her lackeys make a “Shroud of Constantinople” that will cry tears of blood (hello title!) on command. Pilgrims can stop at her miracle relic for free, or pay a hefty passage fee to get all the way to Rome. It’s no Jesus on a Grilled Cheese Sandwich, but the pilgrims are loving it and have been successfully diverted from Rome.

As the Pope tells Cesare (François Arnaud) of this development (and Cesare quite rightly mocks the ridiculous back and forth relic feud these two crazy kids have gotten themselves into), Alexander orders him to go to Forli and bring back the shroud.

Thanks to Micheletto’s Lover-Spy Pascal (Charlie Carrick), Catherina finds out Cesare is coming and she is ready. She rigs a powder keg to blow up Cesare, Micheletto and the shroud (FYI: those tears = red paint). During this scene I felt like I was watching a low-budget Michael Bay movie…and It.Was.Awesome! I have to ask, when Cesare survives the blast and starts screaming at the sky “JESUS LOVES ME,” why didn’t Catherina shoot an arrow through his heart? I love Cesare, but that’s missed opportunity if you ask me. Also, Catherina loses some major sympathy points when she demonstrates she doesn’t give a lick about possibly kill innocent pilgrims along with her intended targets.

Now to the heart of this episode…Micheletto discovers that Pascal is a spy. We find out that although Micheletto can’t read, he is damn good at recreating shapes he’s seen with his photographic memory. He copies Pascal’s hidden letters and brings them to Cesare. I’m a bit underwhelmed with the elementary espionage of mirror writing, but the book code seems legit. Once Micheletto and Cesare piece together all the information they need, Cesare orders Micheletto to kill his lover. In a gut wrenching scene, Micheletto collapses crying as he asks Pascal how he prefers to be murdered. The whole thing is tragic, but I’d be lying if I said I couldn’t help wanting to scream at Pascal “dude, now is the time to RUN!”

Courtesy of Showtime

Meanwhile, over in Naples Lucrezia realizes that she may be in over her head. Initially she’s excited when King Frederigo (Luke Allen-Gale) asks the Pope to make her the official papal ambassador to Naples. However, Lucrezia soon discovers that she is in fact a prisoner. While her strategic moves are often hit or miss (see: making Frederigo a king), she has the sense to fake a fainting spell so she can call for the witch in the woods. They meet and Lucrezia asks for help escaping. The solution? The witch gives her a sleeping potion…but we’ll have to wait until next week to see Lucrezia use it.

Other Observations:

• The Pope also works with Mattai (Brendan Cowell) to attack the Turkish fleet. In exchange for providing strategic advice, the Pope offers a tax break on the Jewish community. The Pope calls this The Constantinople Endeavor. Is it me, or would “The Constantinople Endeavor” be the best indie rock band name EVER?!?
• It’s really nice to see The Borgias showcasing all the actors’ talent. While Holliday Grainger, Francois Arnaud, and Jeremy Irons have had some really good story lines to work with, these last few episodes hands-down belong to Sean Harris.
• The musical score during the Micheletto/Pascal scenes are phenomenal, both haunting and full of melancholy.
• As you may have read by now, creator Neil Jordan said he will probably not do a fourth season. He said that making another 10 episodes would be exhausting, but he may finish the series off with a two-hour movie instead. I want to cry. You know who else finds their work exhausting? EVERYONE. Historical Spoiler Alert: we have almost three years of story left until the Pope’s death. I don’t know how they’re going to cram that all into a two-hour movie, but I honestly hope Jordan at least gets to make the movie with a planned conclusion rather than an abrupt stop at the end of this season.

What did you think of this week’s episode? Do you think Micheletto will follow through and kill Pascal? Do you think Lucrezia will escape? Will you be as bummed as me if there is no Season 4? Hit the comments below with your thoughts

The Borgias airs Sundays at 10pm EST on Showtime