Courtesy of ABC
Kaitlyn confesses to Shawn, a good man goes home, and we’re on to the fantasy suites.
Let’s bitch it out…
The episode’s first one-on-one goes to Ben H. Kaitlyn busts out her most Irish-looking cable knit wool sweater and the two head off to…sit around (every date in Ireland so far has involved sitting on a couch or bench. I feel like the tourism board is gonna be pissed).
Ben “opens up” and admits that he’s afraid he’s unlovable. Either his last girlfriend really did a number on him or he went to Shawn’s School of Fishing for Reassurance and graduated at the top of his class. His admission, of course, prompts Kaitlyn to reject that notion that he’s unlovable and admit that she’s falling in love with him. Kaitlyn is passing out “I’m falling in love with you”s like they’re going out of style. This can’t be good…
When they discuss the Fantasy Suite dates Ben H. says what any gentleman is basically required to say: that it’s a great opportunity to talk all night. Kaitlyn, who’s perhaps a bit too straight forward and honest for the premise of this show, is taken aback. Wait…is it possible that Ben H. is a virgin? The only way to find out is to ask him on national television! Turns out he’s not, but I’m glad she was ready to out him to millions of viewers.
Next up: a group date card for Nick, Shawn, and Joe. Watching four grown men attempt to define the word “amok” might have been the highlight of the episode for me. The date goes about as painfully as we could have imagined.
First up: Shawn’s talk. Shawn’s only redeeming quality at this point is that he has really committed to referring to Nick exclusively as “the other guy”. It’s impressive. Shawn is ready to get his relationship with Kaitlyn “back on track.” Meanwhile, all Kaitlyn can think about is that she needs to tell Shawn that she had sex with Nick.
Let’s back up here a sec and discuss the weird dynamics of this show. It is “socially acceptable” to sleep with everyone in the fantasy suite, which means that if Shawn walks out of this the winner, he would know she slept with two other guys. So the issue isn’t IF she slept with someone else, it’s WHEN. Seems like semantics to me. Alas, Kaitlyn feels that she needs to tell him and is about to…before Nick steals her away.
Kaitlyn and Nick talk about their night together. Kaitlyn admits she fels guilty, while Nick just thinks it was awesome. Nick tells her he’s falling in love with her. Now, I’m no body language expert, but doesn’t the fact that he constantly covers his mouth with his hand when he says stuff like that mean that he’s lying? Dude is super shady.
Now let’s talk about Joe. Oh, Joe. Joe does not know how to read the ladies. He says all the right things, but at all the wrong times. He tries to passionately kiss Kaitlyn while telling her he’s falling in love with her (I hope no one played a drinking game around the phrase “falling in love” or they’re probably dead). So Joe drops the love bomb and it is…AWKWARD. Kaitlyn is so clearly not into it, and is forced to reject him right afterwards. No one handles this well. Joe gets defensive, stares off into space and says stuff like “bye, it’s been fun.” Kaitlyn doesn’t understand that when you shoot down someone’s love confession, they’re not going to react how you want them to just to relieve your guilt. That being said, I still think she dodged a bullet.
So Joe is gone and Kaitlyn sends Nick back to the Bachelor housing coop to tell Shawn the big news. Shawn’s face gets even redder, which I didn’t think was humanly possible. He needs to know if Kaitlyn “regrets it” because obviously that’s the only way to move forward. The whole thing’s a mess. Know who’s ready to move on? Me!
FINALLY, a rose ceremony. Oh wait, what’s this? When Kaitlyn gives Shawn the rose he wants to confront her (yet again!) about investing time in all of her relationships and living her life the way she wants before he will accept it. This is a RED FLAG if I’ve ever seen it. I’m exhausted with Shawn’s neediness and I’m not even in this relationship. Alas, Kaitlyn, in my opinion, makes the wrong call. She keeps Shawn, Ben H. and Nick. She sends home Jared who, despite his questionable facial hair, has been nothing but a class act this entire ride.
The only viable option at this point is Ben H, but we know that’s not gonna happen.
Now it’s time for the Fantasy Suite dates. First up, Nick. They head to a pub and a church, which are apparently the only things to do in Ireland according to The Bachelorette. I never thought I’d miss bungee jumping dates, but I do. Kaitlyn learns from an old Irish man that the key to a lasting relationship is trust, and Nick makes a cringe worthy toast.
Speaking of cringe worthy, Nick keeps it classy by deciding this is a good time to talk shit about Shawn. The upside of this conversation is that I learned what Eskimo Brothers are (I’ve lived a sheltered life). This doesn’t stop Kaitlyn and Nick from hitting up the fantasy suite, which we surprisingly see a lot of the morning after. Nick has no shirt on and his tight pants are unbuttoned.
The producers earn their bonuses yet again when they somehow convince Shawn it’s a good idea to go confront Nick. Why? No reason, other than to both acknowledge that they hate each other, don’t think the other is there for the right reasons, and would be convinced they’d be ok if Kaitlyn picked the other because obviously that means she wasn’t the right girl for them.
Kaitlyn, just pick Ben H. and be done with this already. Seriously. Annnnnnd we hit the “To be continued…”
What do you think? Are you sad that Jared is gone? Is Joe’s reaction warranted or did he become too defensive? Who are you rooting for at this point? Sound off below!
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8pm EST on ABC