Talk Back review – The Following 3×09: ‘Kill The Messenger’

The Following remains as ridiculous as ever.

Let’s bitch it out…

Welcome to Talk Back, a new regular feature wherein we ask questions to start a discussion about shows we’re not regularly reviewing. In this case I’m talking about the most recent developments on The Following. After recent weeks spent introducing Theo (Michael Ealy) as Strauss’ (Gregg Henry) most dangerous student, the series seemingly shifts gears when Theo goes after Ryan (Kevin Bacon) directly. Sadly this is not the case, which means we’ve got questions:

1. First and foremost: what the hell is attracting talented actors like Ealy, Tim Guinee and Alison Mack to this hackjob series? All of these individuals are amazing actors, but they’re playing two dimensional characters, spouting stilted dialogue and/or getting iced unceremoniously. The paycheck for guest starring on this series must be massive.
2. There must be tons of slash fiction between Hardy and Joe (James Purefoy). All of these dreams with the two men rescuing each other or coming between female lovers and featuring phallic objects? Paging Dr. Freud!
3. I completely forgot that The Good Wife‘s Mike Colter once appeared on this show and, in an unintentionally hilarious scene, got stabbed in the eye. His reppearance a few episodes back may have prompted me to make a gleeful double-take. Did anyone else remember that he even existed on this show?
   1. Side Bar: have we ever met the new computer tech girl? Is she an extra who wandered on-set and somehow ended up with a recurring role?
4. Legitimate, pressing question: What the hell is up with Theo’s Lenny Kravitz inspired facial hair and why does he wear it when he’s all by himself?
5. Why introduce the idea of Theo antagonizing Hardy by hacking into his personal records (stolen car, fraud, Zuleikha Robinson’s Gwen medical records) only to drop it to focus on <sigh> more Joe drama? A killer actually using his brain to mess with Hardy is so much more unique than simply going around killing people or executing ludicrous prison-infiltration schemes. Heaven forbid Theo can’t unlock Strauss’ master list of crazies! If that list were anything like reality, there would be approximately 1-4 people on it!
6. Does anyone actually care about Mark sorry, Luke (Sam Underwood) and Daisy (Ruth Kearney) reconnecting over the missing laptop? Anyone?
   1. Side Bar: If Daisy is struggling with intimacy issues in the wake of cute but dumb husband Kyle’s death, why is she working as a cocktail waitress at a strip club and accepting after-hour meet-ups with clients? Even if she were hard up for cash, wouldn’t it make sense to knock the guy out rather than allow him to initiate sex and knife him in the ear? This makes zero sense.
7. Can we double down on point #4 with regards to Max (Jessica Stroup) and Mike’s (Shawn Ashmore) affair, documented on said laptop? I suppose it’s nice of The Following to try and inject some soap opera antics to offset the blood and gore, but why does that translate into Tom (Gbenga Akinnagbe) acting like a mole on 24? This story line feels lifted from a completely different show!
8. Joe is easily able to steal sunglasses from Theo’s patsy, Gary the prison guard. Considering Joe kills the guy right in front of his cell, doesn’t it stand to reason that Joe’s person and cell would immediately be searched?
9. In the coda, we see that Gwen is pregnant with Hardy’s child. Because of course. Where would it show get its ironic pathos if not in the suffering of innocent, preferably female, people?
10. Finally: why does literally every episode end with a musical montage? It’s just lazy!

What do you think? Sound off below.

The Following airs Mondays at 9pm EST on FOX. Next week: Joe takes hostages instead of going quietly into the night on execution day. Please kill Joe. Please?