Courtesy of FOX
This lackluster episode of Scream Queens may be the last straw (I mean, there wasn’t even a pumpkin patch).
Let’s bitch it out…
Finally, Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) decides to shut the school down for safety…which should have been done four episodes ago, but better late than never I guess. This puts a huge cramp in Chanel’s (Emma Roberts) plans to host the Charity Pumpkin Patch for Black Hairy Tongue in order to keep the Kappa presidency and Chad (Glen Powell), who we find out has literally slept with everyone. Not just the Dean but also Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash)! The two ladies have very different experiences with their paramour, but I could totally see Denise role-playing and ordering Chad around. Ah, mental picture! <scrubs brain>
Back to the issue at hand: the pumpkin patch. Chanel has set up a night to remember, including a recreation of the maze from The Shining. She has decided the Chanels will dress up as wives of assassinated presidents (I’ll give you one guess who gets Jackie O.). Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin) is pissed she’s stuck with Mary Todd Lincoln since everyone knows she’s the crazy one. This makes her ripe for manipulation by Hester (Lea Michele), who is still Single White Female-ing Chanel.
Naturally everyone is up in arms over Munsch’s plan to shut down the event. Chad is particularly upset because everyone knows Halloween is when even shy, homely girls dress as sluts. Needless to say, his rousing speech (“As 60th President John Kennedy Jr said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself…and in this case, serial killers.”) doesn’t sway Munsch (“How did you get into this school?”)
Meanwhile, Hester’s plan to usurp Chanel is in full swing. She gets Chanel #5 onboard, convinces Jennifer (Breezy Eslin) to join them after finding out Chanel throws away perfectly good, crazy-expensive candles, and gets Chanel arrested for Ms. Bean’s death.
Luckily, Chanel #3 (Billie Lourd) and Predatory Lez (Jeanna Han) post bail, but not before Chanel discovers she has fans in jail (those Chanel-o-ween gifts really paid off).
Where is Zayday (Keke Palmer) through all of this you ask? Or maybe you don’t, because this show does not evoke a whole lot of character investment. Grace (Skyler Samuels) and Pete (Diego Boneta) enlist the help of Wes (Oliver Hudson), Gigi (Nasim Pedrad) and Denise to look for her. Though Denise is only going along because she’s still convinced Zayday is the killer.
Grace tracks Zayday’s phone (though personally I liked Gigi’s idea of canvassing local car washes for soil samples). The scooby gang enters the Red Devil’s lair and hijinx ensue. The team doesn’t find Zayday, but they taze the Red Devil (at least, one of them) and escape.
Speaking of escape, Zayday gets out of the lair’s dungeon because it turns out the Red Devil has a bit of a crush on her. He makes her favorite okra nachos and buys her flowers, relaxing just long enough for her to stab him with a fork and book it.
But wait, there’s more! As the Red Devil menacingly follows Gigi, we discover that he is in fact working for her (a fact that is not entirely surprising after last week’s reveal). Gigi tells Red Devil to “take care of him” which I’m assuming refers to the Red Devil intern who let Zayday go.
Body Count:
- 1-Roger or Doger (not sure): literally gutted in The Shining maze. This is one of the identical twin brothers involved in the Chanel #5 sandwich/Eiffel Tower. No emotional investment in the loss, but I did like how we had heard about them in the pilot episode.
Other Observations:
- Best Song Choice: tie between Black Velvet and Culture Club.
- Is there anything more terrifying than Jennifer’s ant farm collection?
- For a split second, based on the wig I thought LaVerne Cox was in prison with Chanel #1 and I got SO excited for an OITNB cross-over episode.
Best Lines:
- Hester (to Chanel #5): “So, why are you making toe nail cookies and giving them to children?”
- Jennifer (to Chanel #5 and Hester on their confusing strategy to dethrone #1):“This plan includes a lot of circuitous logic”
As I mentioned when I first began reviewing this show, I feared there was not enough substance or character development associated with the sketch-camp premise to sustain a full season. My fear has come to fruition as it does not currently pass my “I’m playing with my phone and would rather be watching iZombie” test. Therefore, this will be the last review I’ll be doing for the show.
If you are going to stick with it all season, I want to hear why in the comments. Can you convince me to stay? Sound off below!
Scream Queens airs Tuesdays at 9pm EST on FOX