Courtesy of ABC
‘Heavy Is The Hand’ that creates a parallel storyline so on-the-nose to the Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) / Liv (Kerry Washington) train wreck that viewers groan out loud.
Let’s bitch it out…
Season 5 opens up with the reunion that no one has been waiting for: Fitz and Liv going at it like teenagers all over the White House.
Sally Langston (Kate Burton) continues her Fox News/The View show to rant about the situation at hand: Fitz is throwing a lavish state dinner for the Queen of Caledonia (costing tax payers’ mad bank) just so he can get a strategic naval base there. I, meanwhile, can’t seem to care about any of this because I am mesmerized by the gorgeousness that is Liv’s couture dress.
The Caledonian royal family includes the queen, her son Richard, and his American wife Emily. Emily is the stuff little girls’ Grace Kelly dreams are made of: falling in love with a gorgeous prince and becoming a princess.
When Emily runs into Liv in the bathroom, she tells Liv about how the fame keeps people from seeing her as a person, and that she’s completely defined by who she’s in love with. What fortunate timing considering Liv is trying to determine her future with Fitz! (Sidenote: did they have to dress Emily in a Claire’s tiara, Titanic “Heart of the Sea” replica necklace, and 1990s “Princess” prom dress from Charlotte Russe? The costume designers are taking the heavy handed title quite literally).
Later Liv gets a phone call (looking perfect in nothing but a Navy t-shirt and diamonds) that the princess has died in a car crash. The queen hires OPA to help the monarchy deal with the tragedy. First up, buy back all of the photos that paparazzi took of the body. (Side note: If that single briefcase held $2.4 million, what kind of bills were those?!) Quinn (Katie Lowes) gets the job done and discovers that there was a killer leaving the scene. With the additional discovery that the princess was pregnant with her bodyguard’s baby, Richard becomes suspect #1.
When Liv presents her evidence to the Queen, she discovers that the queen herself ordered the hit. Emily had one job: give the monarchy an heir and a spare (the Queen’s clearly going old school). While Liv can’t do anything to the queen thanks to diplomatic immunity, she can tell Richard, who disavows his mother and orders her to abdicate the throne so he can take it.
Courtesy of ABC
Meanwhile Mellie (Bellamy Young) is getting the shaft big time. The more stressed she gets, the more out of control her hair is. Seriously, what is going on with that hair?! I did not think after last season that it could get any bigger, but the Scandal stylists proved me wrong. Mellie is forbidden by Fitz to go to the State Dinner (could someone not have told her beforehand so she’s not standing there in her dress?). No one respects her anymore, as even Abby (Darby Stanchfield) tells Mellie’s chief of staff to “muzzle her beast.”
Fitz wasn’t planning to attend Mellie’s swearing in as Senator until Liv calls him out on it (because A) Fitz is the worst, and B) Liv’s right, Mellie’s sacrificed much more millions of times for Fitz). Fitz asks for a divorce right after she’s sworn in (because his timing is impeccable. Why not wait until her birthday?). When Mellie says she won’t sign the papers, he goes for blood. He’s a war hero and a president – his bucket list is done – while Mellie’s biggest accomplishment to date is waving and smiling, so she needs to sign if she doesn’t want her legacy to be a joke. Oh really Fitz? By “war hero” do you mean when you shot down that plane full of innocent people? By “President” do you mean being a selfish prick that uses his job to enter into a war and kill innocent American soldiers because you want to get your mistress back? Oh yeah, you’ve done it all. But then I remember that Mellie was (accidentally) responsible for the butchering of several jurors. So…
Liv and Fitz have not had the best week. The case makes Liv question her ability to live in the limelight; she and Fitz come to blows over how to handle it, showing that they have things to work out before they can truly be together. Liv actually sounds like an adult when she tells Fitz they need to focus on their relationship in private before they go public, otherwise they won’t be able to weather the storm. Unfortunately I find it very hard to concentrate on any of this thanks to that out of control green screen’d White House lawn on the balcony scene.
Alas just when Fitz and Liv agree to keep things private, it’s too late. Someone leaks photos of them making out all over the White House (dude, it’s the white house, there are cameras EVERYWHERE. Come on Liv, you’re smarter than that.) The question now is, who leaked the photos?
Things I did not miss this episode:
- Liv’s parents.
- References to “Vermont” or “White Hats” (thank the Lord).
Things I did miss this episode:
- Jake (Scott Foley), obviously. We only get to see him for a split second at the end. Huck (Guillermo Diaz) seeks out his help to suppress the killer inside him, after Liv says she doesn’t have the capability to help. If Jake’s entire story line is tied to Huck this season, I’m gonna be pissed. How am I going to fast forward through the Huck scenes then?!? Blech.
Best Line:
- Joshua Malina’s David (to Liv): “You know me, truth justice and the American way. Also, I’ll put you in CIA jail”
What did you think? Are you in for Season 5? Who do you actually like at this point? Sound off below!
Scandal airs Thursdays at 9pm EST on ABC