Revenge review – 3×03: ‘Confession’

After sinning comes confessing. And so, after last week’s debacle Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) tries to bring about a coup against the Graysons by convincing Conrad (Henry Cznery) to confess to his sins. As always, things don’t go quite according to plan.

Let’s bitch it out…It was probably silly of me to think that Revenge would be audacious enough to kill off Conrad Grayson, and yet for just a moment I almost thought that the writers were bold enough to do it. I’ll be honest, I would have much preferred it than the alternative, which is that Conrad survives and Father Paul dies. After all, what has Conrad really contributed to recent proceedings anyways? Killing him in a fiery car crash certainly wouldn’t have resulted in the long, arduous, drawn-out affair that Emily loves to orchestrate, but it would have given Revenge an injection that it desperately needs in this do-or-die season (let’s be honest: last season’s nosedive in both quality and reception has essentially put this show on the danger list unless it can cover the ABC brass that it’s worth saving)

So what better way to cause a splash than eliminate one half of Emily’s main target, thereby allowing her to zero in on her true nemesis: Victoria (Madeleine Stowe)? After all, do we really want to see more of Conrad’s pill-induced deterioration into faux-Huntington’s disease when we could watch the Ice Queen and Hamptons Batman hurl insults at each other over lunch? Call me superficial, but I know I prefer the latter option.

Alas, it’s not to be as Conrad has survived the ruin of his self-proclaimed final piece of happiness and Father Paul has not. Yes, folks, Emily’s quest for REVENGE! has claimed an innocent life (twice?). It definitely seems as though our girl is off her A-game, because despite being able to stir up sh*t at Nolan’s (Gabriel Mann) party, the last few rounds of her plan haven’t really gone according to plan.

Daniel (Josh Bowman) is the big question mark at this point, mostly because he’s back to acting like a little b*tch most of the time. I mean, in his defense the guy has got to be the most emasculated male on television. The thing is that Daniel makes it so easy for others to manipulate him! All Victoria has to do is spin a few tales (not even subtly!) about Emily and Aiden (Barry Sloane) and even though Daniel knows exactly what she’s doing, he still immediately confronts Emily with the news like she’s some kind of secretive tramp. Later he turns on Victoria and accuses her of trying to stir up trouble like he’s some kind of innocent bystander. And before the hour’s out he takes it out on the only woman he can lash out at: Margaux (Karine Vanasse). The poor little rich boy may find himself constantly being played like the handsome puppet he doesn’t want to think he is, but he’s sure ready to dish it back out the moment he gets a chance. He’s such a hypocrite!

The problem is that Daniel’s also a loose canon; he’s something that Emily can’t control. And that makes him dangerous, because as we’re about to learn, Emily really doesn’t like losing control.

Other Observations:

• I’m not exactly sure what kind of outcome Victoria was hoping for when she drags Aiden out to Nolan’s bash, but she probably doesn’t expect Emily to tell her off and announce that the Graysons are bankrupt in front of everyone. I love that the minute the crowd turns away, Emily has completely regained her composure and – as usual – no one has even noticed
• Glad that the writers don’t drag out the not-so-surprise reveal that Aiden and Emily are working together because it’s been pretty obvious that Aiden never betrayed her. At least now it’s out in the open so that we can get on with the plot
• I honestly don’t know what to say about Nolan’s choice of attire in this episode. Both the vest-no-shirt look at the pool and the fleet-week-meets-MC-Hammer-pants massacre at the party are travesties of fashion (I actually had to dab blood out of my eyes because they were bleeding). On the awkward front, how weird is it to see Nolan drooling over Patrick’s (Justin Hartley) body? Are we meant to get a gay vibe from the prodigal Grayson son, or is this merely his angle for whatever game he’s inevitably playing?
• I want to care about Margaux initiating a relationship with Jack (Nick Wechsler), but I can’t stop looking at his greasy, disgusting hair. Speaking of uncomfortable, how empathetic did you feel watching the two of them try to act in what was clearly incredibly cold water during their pool scene? Both actors look like they’re freezing to death
• Finally, I’m not even discussing Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) because she’s completely irrelevant at this point. From now on whenever she’s useless, I’m just going to wish the writers had sent her away to boarding school. This week’s school: The Judd Family School for Sisters Who Hate Each Other

Best Lines:

• Victoria (when Emily hand delivers an invite to Nolan’s): “I’ve never needed an invitation to attend any party in the Hamptons”
• Emily (to Daniel): “Nolan doesn’t do modest”
• Victoria (to Aiden): “Together we’re going to unravel and destroy that little bitch”

What’s your take: is Emily losing her grip? Do you wish that Conrad had died instead? Were you fooled that Aiden and Ems are working together? Should Nolan hire a stylist? Is Patrick a big mo? Sound off in the comments below

Revenge airs Sundays at 9pm EST on ABC