Live Blog: The 2015 Golden Globes

We’re live-blogging the 2015 Golden Globes. Refresh this page throughout the awards for sarcastic, b*tchy commentary about the whole affair.

Let’s bitch it out…

Here’s how this will work: the top post will be the most recent (so if you’re catching up, start at the bottom and work your way up).

11:03pm: That’s a wrap! We had pie. We had too much wine. We cajoled and mocked and celebrated. Hopefully you enjoyed the coverage. We’ll maybe see you for the Oscars next month. Maybe…(this was exhausting!)

11:02pm: One final appearance by Cho. Tina and Amy don’t even speak – just a simple wave! Boo…

11:00pm: Meryl presents Best Drama (with a shout-out to perpetually absent hosts Tina and Amy). Winner = Boyhood. Well that’s a meh ending to the evening. Umm…congrats to the cast and Linklater. I guess the film’s prospects at the Oscars are looking rosier as we head toward the nominations on Thursday.

10:57pm: Final commercial break. Let’s talk about Gwyneth’s dress. Pink. Boob slit. Hugs the ahem curves. Like or dislike? I’m coming down on the latter. The colour alone is a loser for me, especially since she also looks like a candidate for the tanning bed awards.

10:54pm: In a stacked category (quite right Gwyneth), Eddie Redmayne wins for Theory of Everything. I’m not sure that there’s a frontrunner in the Oscars for this, but his name has been bandied around since the advance reviews came out. Nice that they basically play him off so that we can have One.More.Commercial break before the big Best Film drama announcement.

10:51pm: Dirty beard is here to present Best Actress, which goes to Julianne Moore (LOVE). This has basically been a two horse race between Reese and Julianne (with Rosemund Pike occasionally popping in) so this isn’t a huge surprise.

10:44pm: Best Comedy (which is mostly comprised of films that have very slim Oscar chances). The winner is The Grand Budapest Hotel. Hmm, with its many, many BAFTA nominations does this mark a resurgence for the Wes Anderson film? Also: that speech? Not funny

10:43pm: Oh no Channing Tatum also feel asleep in the tanning bed!

10:36pm: A lovely off the cuff speech by Keaton. Nothing quite as powerful as watching someone get choked up about their relationship with their child. Very sweet

10:33pm: Best Actor comedy = Michael Keaton. Let the career renaissance continue! It’s hard not to say this isn’t deserved considering how much of a tour de force his performance is in Birdman. Plus Hollywood loves a “comeback” story

10:26pm: Ruth Wilson wins for Best Actress for The Affair. Hate the dress, hate the hair, but she’s super talented. Side bar: I always confused her with Taryn Manning from Orange is the New Black (aka Pennsatucky).

10:23pm: Boyhood wins a major one: Best Director. Gotta say this continues to feel more like a technical achievement to me. Again: anyone want to defend the film’s merits as something more than a 12 year in the making accomplishment?

10:18pm: Another ad break. What do Tina and Amy do when they’re not on stage? Are they just backstage drinking and mocking everyone?

10:17pm: I mock and jest, but that was a nice, concise, positive speech by Clooney. With that said, what would he have said if he hadn’t gotten married this year?

10:13pm: It’s Clooney time (to be read in It’s Hammer Time voice)

10:06pm: Margulies and Cheadle play the “who hasn’t?” game re: George Clooney in anticipation of his Cecille B. Demille award. I’ll admit that I still don’t really get the love for Clooney – his humanitarian work far outweighs his film achievements to me. Side bar: Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton. LOVE

10:02pm: Spacey: “I just want it to be better. I just want to be better.” Was that the first truly emotional/impactful acceptance speech of the night? Amy Adams came close, but she also spent time thanking a whole bunch of dumb industry people

10:00pm: “I’ve been nominated 8 times. I can’t fucking believe I won.” Well put Kevin.

9:59pm: Spacey is amazing in the role, but HFPA really need to get over their obsession with House of Cards

9:58pm: David Duchovny is not picking up anything that Katherine Heigl is putting down.

9:57pm: I love Catherine Zeta Jones’ casual dismissal of The Affair folks: “They’re having a party.” Also: everyone should watch Pride because it’s totally fun and politically relevant and just well-acted all around.

9:53pm: Hot men in tuxedos (Paul Rudd and Adam Levine) present Best Drama. This one is a nailbiter because I want The Good Wife to win…so it effing doesn’t. Full admission: I’m stuck on episode three of The Affair and I just kinda can’t bring myself to watch more. Like all of the leads are amazing, but it just doesn’t grab me in such a way that compels me to watch the next episode. Anyone out there wanna make an argument for it?

9:46pm: Maggie Gyllenhaal wins for The Honourable Woman,  who’s role is described as a “businesswoman in The Honourable Woman“. Thanks voice over guy! Thankfully Maggie gives good speech about roles for women and the amazing women in her life. Plus Jake and her husband

9:44pm: Desperately google searches Leviathan. Oh right, it’s the one with the striking poster of the man sitting in front of a giant skeleton

9:43pm: What’s weirder: Lupita’s glasses or Colin’s molestache?

9:36pm: Jeffrey Tambor for Best Actor. Sorry to my co-workers who love Shameless, but this is AWESOME! I do wish that he had spent more time on the dedication to the trans community instead of ending with it

9:33pm: Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda riff on 9 to 5 and men in comedy. Classy broads.

9:30pm: Oh wait…Birdman ounters Boyhood‘s Oscar challenge with an original screenplay win. As a sidebar, I’ve been a huge fan of Alejandro González Iñárritu (so is TVAngie) so it’s nice that he’s still getting awards recognition.

9:28pm: I love that Kristen Wiig’s impersonation of Robert DeNiro is no impersonation at all.

9:26pm: This North Korean impersonation sounds suspiciously like Margaret Cho’s mother impersonation. But I agree that Orange is the New Black should be in the Drama category and Kristen Wiig should do a sequel to Bridesmaid

9:18pm: Supporting actress = super tough category. Boyhood basically solidifies its awards season candidacy as Patricia Arquette takes it. Side bar: Calling out Meryl’s skin is well deserved because that woman looks like she’s had less work done than Emma Stone.

9:16pm: Oh hey Kate BOOBS!!!! Sorry…SIDE SKIN. What I’m trying to say is MOTORBOAT

9:14pm: Hmm…surprising. I think most were expecting The Lego Movie to take Best Animated Film. HTTYD2 was also highly enjoyable (despite its problematic racial issues with the villain)

9:12pm: Oh look Selma Hayek came out in her wedding gown! <Awkward Pause>

9:09pm: Commercial break. How are we doing on Entertainment Weekly‘s GG drinking game? Actually not bad.

9:07pm: My favourite part of the show may actually be the cut-aways to Frances McDormand. She just looks pissed/bored all the time.

9:05pm: Jebus, Amy Adams for Big Eyes? Really? I don’t know if this means she now has an Oscar chance or if Adams should enjoy the limelight. She is a lovely lady, though.

9:03pm: Seeing Ricky Gervais on the GG stage just reminds me how much more I prefer Amy and Tina.

9:00pm: Beautiful man Matt Bomer wins for The Normal Heart. Gosh he’s pretty. And he gives a shout-out for his hot husband and three kids? What a keeper (Side Note: I’m completely unbiased)

8:58pm: Random presenter match-ups: Katie Holmes and Seth Meyers. Also: Katie Holmes is still around?

8:51pm: It’s important to keep track of how Selma does tonight. It’s first weekend at the box office was okay, but not great so it needs a lot of support here. Also: Oprah stop tearing up. You’re just a damn producer!

8:50pm: I won’t lie. I actually thought that that was Amy Poehler dressed up as Prince. Am I terrible?

8:47pm: I hate both Sienna Miller and Vince Vaughan. Also: we’ve moved into less popular awards. This is when you hope that the good speeches come out because these folks are far more genuine. Anyone seen Theory of Everything? Any good?

8:46pm: I want to like Melissa McCarthy’s outfit, but it looks a little clownish to me. I feel like I’m still waiting for her best look

8:41pm: Commercial break. Feel free to discuss whether you agree or disagree with the wins so far. Personally, I’m loving it

8:40pm: My winning streak continues! Transparent (not technically even a TV show) wins. Hell yeah it does. It was my #1 show of the year. Congrats to Jill Soloway and team and for Soloway for recognizing the trans community and her own moppa’s journey

8:37pm: Actress in a comedy…come on Jane The Virgin! SWEEEEET! Hollywood Foreign Press has a history of recognizing the “hot new thing” (not a derogatory term) so this isn’t a completely surprising win, but damn is it great that Gina Rodriguez is getting recognized for her completely amazing portrayal of Jane. Plus: she gives a super cute, adorable speech. Awww

8:34pm: Compulsory talk from Hollywood Foreign Press Association talking head, made immediately more relevant for references to N. Korea and Charlie Hebdo. Standing O indeed

8:32pm: Margaret Cho cameos as a North Korean reporter for Movies Wow! Naturally she wants a picture with Meryl Streep. “You love Korea” Tina Fey deadpans amusingly.

8:25pm: Billy Bob wins and gives the first funny speech of the night. Way to keep it brief! Also: anyone surprised that Jeremy Renner made an off-the-cuff crude comment about J. Lo’s boobs? Bueller?

8:24pm: Anyone else wondering if Frances McDormand feels robbed since Fargo won over Olive Kitteridge? You know she’s gotta be like “umm…I was in the movie!”

8:21-8:22pm: I’m still hoping yellowwait will come in tomorrow to do a fashion report, but in the event he doesn’t, let’s talk about J. Lo’s dress. That is a lot of double-sided boob tape! Oh, also: Fargo effing wins!!! YES!

8:18pm: Commercial break! Let’s discuss the slit on Anniston’s dress. Too much…or just enough?

8:15pm: Joanne Froggatt wins for Downton Abbey S4. Um…whaaa? Oh right – this was the season with that storyline. Side Note: Obviously no one thought she was gonna win considering she was sat at the back of the effing room.

8:12pm: First winner: JK Simmons for Whiplash. That’s well deserved (I would have been happy with Ed Norton, as well).

8:11pm: Tina and Amy played their game, but we should play our own: let’s play “who fell asleep in the tanning bed on the way to the Golden Globes“. Exhibit A: Jennifer Anniston.

8:09pm: Not sure the Bill Cosby jokes landed quite as well. That was some awkward laughter in the room.

8:08pm: On Selma: “The civil right movement that totally worked and now everything is fine.” Let’s hope for more of this kind of humour tonight

8:05-8:06pm: That was a pretty good crack about Wes Anderson. And Clooney’s lifetime achievement award, in comparison to his much more talented wife…whose name I will not attempt to spell quickly

8:02pm: Oh man, Emma Stone really does look like one of those creepy/cute Big Eye paintings. Who knew?!

8:01pm: We’re already knee-deep into The Interview jokes. Topical!

8pm: Step off, NBC personalities. Let’s do this.

7:40pm: Patiently waiting for things to get started. Mostly because I can’t stand how terrible the NBC interviewers are. Do they even know who these celebrities are?!