American Horror Story: Asylum review – 2×11: ‘Spilt Milk’

Well…the sad truth of the matter is that Briarcliff truly did kill of two characters last week and it was not a fake-out. Damm*t!

Let’s bitch it out…I will admit that this was not my favourite episode of the series. If anything, I was reminded of episodes from American Horror Story‘s first season when things happened, but there was no pacing, the dialogue felt silly and everything just kinda felt lumped in.

If anything, this might have been a series finale if not for the non-resolution involving Jude’s (Jennifer Lange) hidden imprisonment in the isolated bowels of Briarcliff. Nearly everything else of consequence has been resolved, including the release of Lana (Sarah Paulson), Kit (Evan Peters) and Grace (Lizzie Brocheré) and the disposal of Thredson (Zachary Quinto). In many ways this is the best case scenario: the sympathetic people are more or less out of danger and the villains have been dispatched.

I’m concerned because the remaining plotlines are the ones I’m least interested in:

1. The alien abduction storyline: This has been a mixed affair – something that even the show has seemed reticent to explore except in moments of convenience (hey, Grace is back!). So bringing back Alma (Britne Oldford) and another baby to boot doesn’t double my pleasure or my fun. It simply reminds me that this show is baby obsessed of late and indicates that  there will likely be more aliens to come. It’s an unfortunate complication in what could have otherwise been a perfectly acceptable ending for Kit and Grace.
2. Bloody Face Jr: I will freely admit to being biased with this because I have never liked Dylan McDermott. When he turned up as BF Jr a few episodes back, I secretly prayed to my crucifix and my red lingerie that he wouldn’t be back, or would be immediately killed. Instead it’s clear that the unfortunate upbringing of BF Jr. will comprise much of the remaining episodes as we catch up with the modern day incarnation, who’s boob milk fetish is thoroughly repulsive (a close second: that rat tail…truly tragic)
3. Sister Jude’s imprisonment: I liked the inversion when the head of the institute became a victim of her own machinations. I was even on-board with the continued imprisonment when it delivered a vibrant, shiny musical number last week. But we’ve seen the “wrongful imprisonment / hidden prisoner” angle throughout the entire second season and…I’m kinda done with it. I get that the Monsignor (Joseph Fiennes) took a beating in the press because of Lana’s story and would want to hide away Jude before she can deliver on her threats of retribution, but this is a little yawn worthy now, no?

So if that’s what’s on deck, I have some reservations about the two remaining episodes. Throw in some ultra cheesy lines (even Sarah Paulson can’t sell this: “It was the story. I was going to do anything to get that story. I just didn’t realize how much it was going to cost.” Blech), bad acting (here’s looking at you, Lesbian Friends) and a dishonourable use of poor Clea DuVall and there just isn’t much to love about ‘Spilt Milk’.

Since I’ve been pretty critical of my 5th favourite show of 2012, however, let’s not cry over things (woh woh – you had to know that was coming). Instead let’s end on some positives:

1. Lana’s amazeballs black mourning outfit in the mausoleum scene. So very Jackie-O and tres, tres chic (yes I’m channeling Tom & Lorenzo – let me have it)
2. The use of Phillip Glass’ score from Candyman. Love the movie, love that score and it really worked in this episode
3. The absolutely fantastic split-screen sequence as Lana escapes Briarcliff under Thredson’s nose. Simple, but masterfully well done
4. Jude’s weird face-cam as she lashes out against the horse tranquilizers being handed out by snarky former co-workers. I’m not sure why this is included (if feels like an attempt to align us with Jude, but haven’t we been doing that for weeks?), but it’s cool nonetheless. Style for style’s sake, I say!
5. Finally, Lana’s awesome kiss-off to Thredson as she escapes via cab: incriminating confessional tape in one hand, middle finger flipping the bird with the other. F*CK YEAH

Best Lines:

• Hooker (to Bloody Face Jr): “If I hear my baby crying, I get this uncontrollable feeling and find myself with this soaking wet bra.” GAG – may have thrown up a little in my mouth. And by a little I mean a lot. And by throw up, I mean breast milk.
• Thredson (to Lana): “Living with secrets is (breath) not (breath) healthy.”
• Jude (to Monsignor): “I am more sane now as a madwoman than I ever was as the head of Briarcliff.” That may be debatable, but let’s run with it

So there you have it: that’s the season finale third last episode of American Horror Story. Did that not feel climatic and resolution-y to anyone else? Are you excited for any of our remaining storylines? Do you wish you had your own DDD hooker full-o-breast-milk or is milking totes passé (aka 2012)? Comment away below

American Horror Story: Asylum somehow continues next Wednesday at 10pm EST on FX