American Horror Story: Asylum review – 2×05: ‘I Am Anne Frank, Pt. 2’

Courtesy of FX

The conclusion of our two-parter brings surprises, twists, human mutilation, alien abductions and kittens! Nah, I’m just kidding about the kittens, but crazy sh*t does happen.

Let’s bitch it out…As always, let’s break it down stream of consciousness style:

• Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) is visiting Hector ‘Tio’ Salamanca (Mark Margolis) from Breaking Bad.  She’s fishing around about Arden (James Cromwell) and his Nazi connections.
• Wandering camera: barf inducing disorientation tool or cool way to film a fairly static two person conversation?
• Obviously Anne Frank (Franka Potente)  doesn’t get very far holding a gun to Arden’s head. Just as obvious: there is no longer anything in his laboratory where it’s checked. Clearly that secret isn’t coming out any time soon
• Anne Frank’s real name is apparently Charlotte. Sister Jude to Charlotte’s husband: “High strung? How about world class actress?” Uh oh – somebody’s been duped.
• The home-video clips from Charlotte’s past are not doing it for me – the contemporary AHS-style editing doesn’t mesh well with this format AT ALL. Thredson (Zachary Quinto) thinks she’s suffering from post-partum psychosis. Yeah duh
• Charlotte’s flashes of memory about her family works better. Thredson continues to butt heads with Sister Jude – he doesn’t agree with sending Charlotte home or the plans to sterilize Kit (Evan Peters).
• The editing and framing for Kit’s and Grace’s (Lizzie Brocheré) conversation (which is actually through their cell walls but appears to be face to face) works really well. It’s romantic and melancholy.
• Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) releases Kit: “You’re free to go. Yay” That’s officially the hilarious line delivery. Oops…looks like Kit is in the clear, but Grace will go under the knife in the morning. Clearly she flips out (wouldn’t you?)
• Annnnd Grace just got abducted by the aliens
• Oh hey Lana (Sarah Paulson), I kinda forgot all about you. Tredson still seems to think he can get her out. I keep waiting for all of this to be another of her delusions.
• Grace is on some operating table. Okay, seriously what is up with this damn alien storyline? Where is this all going?
• Arden to Sister Jude: “Let’s dispense with this small talk”. No! Your small talk and witty barbs are the best part of your interactions. What’s up with the continual cut-aways to the burning log? What is that foreshadowing?

Courtesy of FX

• Sister Mary Eunice is the one who moved Shelley (Chloë Sevigny)! I guess that makes sense since the Devil and the Nazi doctor are apparently now in cahoots.
• Poor Shelley’s been abandoned near a school like day old trash. It’s strange that Sister Mary Eunice didn’t drop her off in the woods, instead of somewhere so easily discovered.
• Charlotte’s back in Briarcliff (in slow-mo). Three guesses whether she tried to kill the baby, but you only need one. Husband suggests Charlotte needs a good doctor (good luck with that in this place).
• Thredson sneaks Lana out…there’s gotta be some catch.
• Arden is going to give Charlotte a lobotomy. Ah yes, that staple of mental institution portrayals…we all should have known it’d show up sooner or later.
• Prison Guard Frank (Frederic Lehne) and Sister Jude have a heart to heart about dead squirrels. Is Lange using a different accent all of the sudden? She’s sounds ‘fake Southern’. He compliments her on her achievements, but she thinks her “goose is cooked”. She’s probably right
• Note to husbands everywhere…if you allow a crazy Nazi doctor to perform a lobotomy on your wife, DO NOT sit in the damn wings and watch. Ugh god, those sounds effects are so nasty.
• Thredson offers Lana a nice big glass of wine. It’s clear she’s just as much a prisoner of him as she was in Briarcliff. She’ll tell his story…what does that mean? There’s definitely a creepy menace to him. Who wants to bet the wine is drugged?
• Offering a mint has never seemed so threatening. Is Thredson going to kill her?! Oh god he’s a taxidermist! Oh wait, no – he’s just Bloody Face and he makes lamps out of skin. Cue the screams and trap doors!
• Grace is back and bleeding from the ladybox. She tries to protect Kit (awww), but he’s being taken away by detectives (ohhhh). Suddenly confessing on tape to Bloody Face Thredson seems like a bad idea, huh Kit?
• Oh hey, AHS is doing Saw now. Lana discovers Wendy’s (Clea DuVall) body while chained to the floor of some kind of freaky basement.
• Thredson: “We’re going to continue our therapy now, Lana. You can begin by kissing her cold lips. Don’t worry, she won’t bite…[puts on mask]…I took her teeth.” That’s actually pretty awesome.
• Meanwhile dirty Sister Jude recovers from her evening of debauchery by sneaking out of the random John’s house
• Charlotte is now a Stepford wife who’s takes care of the baby with a smile and a perfect updo. “I’ve never been happier” she says without emotion over the overly cheery record as we zoom in on Dr. Arden’s face in the Nazi photo on the corkboard. Very nicely done!

Wow…so that’s a ton of crazy. I feel silly for not realizing Thredson was Bloody Face, but I’m excited to see Sister Jude jump back into her old scandalous ways. Where can all of this possibly go now?! Hit the comments with your gut reactions

American Horror Story: Asylum airs Wednesdays at 10pm EST on FX