American Horror Story: Asylum review – 2×03: ‘Nor’easter’

Courtesy of FX

It’s movie night on American Horror Story: Asylum and sheot is getting crazy. The second series continues its run of increasingly awesome episodes as we learn that the individuals working at Briarcliff Manor are more certifiable than the patients (as though there was any doubt).

Let’s bitch it out…Here’s a stream of consciousness review of ‘Nor’easter’:

Present Day

• Open (again) on Mrs. Channing Tatum fending off Bloody Fcae. Oh shizz, Adam Levine isn’t dead. Mrs. Channing Tatum kinda redeems herself by stabbing Bloody Face a solid half dozen times.
• Hmm, might have spoken too soon since Levine and the Mrs get shot by Bloody Face impostors  Who are these guys? We may never know since the real Bloody Face is clearly not dead and charging right at them.

1964

• Big storm coming. Lily Rabe’s Sister Mary Eunice – remember that she’s possessed – delivers a paper from 1949 with a cover story about the girl Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) ran over. I like the devilish grin on Sister Eunice’s face when she tells Sister Jude that the mailman brought it – like she thinks Sister Jude is an idiot.
• Heyyyyy Zachary Quinto. Dr. Threadson thinks Sister Jude needs to join the modern world and use positive reinforcement as therapy for patients. “In layman’s terms, Sister: a little compassion goes a long way.” Jude: “Me? I’m a beacon of compassion” That’s probably not the “c’ word I would have used.
• Arden wonders if Sister Jude is projecting to protect her own guilty conscience. She accuses him of sending the newspaper. Stand-off!
• Ohmygawd Lily Rabe is amazing now that she’s possessed. Her description of the film they’ll screen during the storm is fantastic: fire, sex and the death of Christians. What fun, indeed!
• Sister Mary Eunice admits to Sister Jude she’s wearing “Ravishing Red” lipstick (“Blushing Wh*re” was taken?). She claims Dr. Arden asked her to put it on since red is Sister Jude’s favourite colour.
• Arden believes Kit (Evan Peters) is there to spy on him. I could really do without all this alien/ neck surgery. It’s a) really gruesome and b) really dumb.
• Speaking of Christian murder: Sister Mary Eunice is racking up the body count. The Mexican (Gloria Laino), who’s so fearful of Satan, get a proper funeral. Nah – I’m kidding. She’s kibbles and bits for the Arden’s ghouls in the woods.
• Question to ponder: Why do the creatures only need to survive the winter? Never mind, we’ve already moved on to devilish seduction…on the desk no less. Lily Rabe should have to utter the line “I’m so juicy” on this show every week.
• Lana (Sarah Paulson) talks to the only sane person in the joint: Dr. Theodore. She asks about poor dead Wendy (Clea DuVall, killed last week). Love that he informs her that she’s asking him to betray Sister Jude…and then takes her note anyways. Tee hee – everyone wants to screw over Sister Jude.
• Shelley (Chloë Sevigny) tells Grace (Lizzie Brocheré) that she wants to go to Europe where her attitudes on sex will be celebrated. Don’t we all, sweetie. Don’t we all.

Courtesy of FX

1964 continued

• Arden blames Briarcliff and Shelley for corrupting Sister Mary Eunice. Sister Jude – always the narcissist – makes it all about her: she blames him for the lipstick and the newspaper. He plays into her paranoia by suggesting a leave of absence. Both of these two need some friends because they are way too high-strung.
• Lightning and thunder always provides such atmospheric staging. Love the lighting /staging on Sister Jude as she receives the phone call from her car accident victim. Arden was right, she really is unraveling. Oh yeah, dig into that bottle of communal wine!
• We return from the commercial break to Confessions of a Drunk Nun. The vaseline on the lens and dutch camera angle tell us Sister Jude is orca-wasted. Let’s hope she goes on a rampage!
• Movie time! Lots of extras for this scene as Sister Jude kicks the night off. “Whether this evening marks the start of a beloved tren…tradition or just another bitter disappointment is entirely up to you.” That’s an ah-mah-zing way to get the party started. She’s hiccupping her way through her introduction, mispronouncing names. “The Emperor Negro…the incomparable…” Oh my – her slurred speech and mispronounciations are quite offensive.
• And now Sister Jude’s blabbing on and crying about the accident, except that no one knows what the hell is going on. It’s quite fun
• Cut-away as Dr. Thredson replays his trip to Wendy’s house to Lana. He suspects that foul play was involved and begins to question Kit’s imprisonment. Lana immediately figures out that she fingered the wrong guy and beats a hasty retreat to join Kit, Grace and Shelley, who are all absent from the screening.
• Sidenote: this movie is not appropriate for this audience. Far too…salacious
• Arden hanging out near the Madonna statue, clearly distressed. If that statue doesn’t bleed from its eyes by the end of the series I’ll be disappointed. Though if Arden has his way, it’ll wear lipstick apparently. And be destroyed. Well, there goes that dream
• Lana, Shelley, Grace and Kit make their escape. Shelley seduces Carl the guard…oh hello simulated fellatio (is this The Brown Bunny?). Ain’t cable great?
• Both Arden and Jude have run-ins: Arden with Shelley and Sister Jude with what we presume is Arden’s creature.
• Lana, Kit and Grace reenact The Shawshank Redemption escape scene. Sister Mary Eunice can’t take her eyes off of the movie to address the fact that they’ve escaped. Love her dismayed look that she won’t see the Christians get eaten.
• We’re coming close to the end, which means…bodies and rape? Arden knocks out Shelley as the monsters chase after our escaped inmates. Good use of shakycam. Barf.
• Lol for the night: Sister Jude (over protests that the movie is ending early): “Yeah well they all die.”
• OMG Arden “clipped” Shelley’s wings by amputating her legs. Nasty!